September 22nd, 2018

Today is a big achievement for me: this is the first day I haven’t had a coca-cola. Not just that, but it’s the first day I actually didn’t want to drink a coca-cola. It’s a big deal because just seven days ago, I had an entire 12-pack of Coke. On a daily average, I’d consume over 8-12 cans of Coke a day. Today, I haven’t had one; nor have I had the desire for one. As far as my coca-cola addiction is concerned, this week has been a huge victory for me. Not to mention the fact that I’ve lost 18 pounds in 6 days (that’s 3 pounds a day).

Yesterday was a big setback because I had Chinese food for lunch (which I didn’t finish) and four grilled hamburgers, but…you know what? I ain’t gonna fault myself for that. I’m picking myself back up, and I should because most of the times I give up is when I have these kinds of setbacks. I’m not gonna do it this time. I’m not gonna give myself a reason to fall off the wagon all because I wanted to enjoy two meals I’ve been craving throughout the week. I say this because my weekly diet consists of rice, chicken, and carrots.

One meal a day. That’s it.

If I’m feeling hungry, I’ll get a bag of white cheddar popcorn and nibble on it. I don’t go to bed hungry, and I drink a lot of water. Because of that, I’ve lost 10-18 pounds so far. Next week, I plan on hitting the gym once and it’ll be strictly cardio for a while. I’m not really looking to build muscle right now; as great as it would be to build my big arms back up to where they used to be (pretty big), my priority is bringing down my body weight to a comfortable level. 185 is my ideal weight, but I’m gonna shoot for 200 pounds. I was 215 pounds yesterday morning, but with the food I had…I’m gonna say 220. I hope I’m not setback that much, but we’ll see. I’m not really worried about it.

The reason why I’ve started trying to lose weight was to basically give myself a challenge. Work isn’t challenging anymore, and I’ve kinda screwed myself from moving up in the company so I can’t really learn anything else unless I move to the morning shift (which is never gonna happen). I’ve learned that if you don’t want to (or can’t) change your life, the least you can do is try to better yourself. The weight-loss challenge is just a inner-challenge for me to test my abilities; to see what I’m capable of. I’ve kinda plateaued over the past couple of months, and I just feel like I’m not really going anywhere with my life. It’s not a good feeling to have at 28 years old with very little accomplishment. There are things on which I should be proud of, but the bottom line is that, deep down inside, there’s still some things about myself that I don’t like.

My girlfriend made a valid point about my life, though: I don’t have much family anymore. I used to think my sister and dad would help me through anything if I asked for it: however, my dad passed away two years ago, and my sister is just another distant relative. She lives in California, chasin’ dreams, but the distance is all about our lack of connection. We’ve fallen apart for the past five years because I’ve slowly learned to build up the courage to stand up for myself and say that what my sister did to me was not okay. It’s not what you think it is, but she kicked me while I was down at the lowest point of my life, and that’s not what family does. At the end of the day, she’s just looking out for her own self-interest, and that’s not a person I want to have to rely on when shit goes south.

I was just tired of being fake; pretending that seeing her didn’t make me want to throw up in my mouth. I’m dreading Thanksgiving, having to endure the endless amounts of questions towards her from other family members, asking her about her perfect life. I used to be proud of my sister’s accomplishments, I used to be proud to be her big brother, but when shit went south, she was stabbing me in the back. Five years later, that still pisses me off. The thought of it. The rationale. You kicked me while I was down. How dare you? How fucking dare you?

Then there’s my mom: bipolar and clinically depressed. The last thing she said to me was through a text and said “by the way, you’re not invited to my funeral.” What kind of son wants to hear something like that from the woman who wiped his ass until he learned how to use a toilet? The irony in this situation is that she said what she said because she claimed I’m still that hateful person she claims I used to be. Maybe so, maybe so. However, if I still would want my sister to attend my funeral, despite what I feel towards her, then who has more hate?

My grandparents are the only people I feel support from. However, they’re moving into a nursing home, and you know what eventually happens after that. There’s a large disconnect from the family. On top of the things my ex-girlfriend has called me (a “loser” for starters, during the times when I didn’t know who I was), I guess I understand where my disconnect from people comes from. The people closest to me have somehow managed to hurt me the most. Consequently, I’m more cold-hearted than I used to be: I know it, my family knows it, and my girlfriend knows it the most. Now.

So the whole weight-loss thing is a step towards the direction I’d like to go. I’d like to be…a better person. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but losing weight and having a healthy mind is a good start. That’s kinda why quitting Coke is such a big deal: I’ve been addicted to it for years.

If quitting a long-term heavy addiction can be done in a week, imagine what I can do in a month.

 

September 10th, 2018

I went to Microcenter yesterday while my girlfriend took a short nap, and it was more eventful than usual. Usually, I’ll just browse the computer store for about 10-15 minutes and leave, but this time I was on a mission to find certain products. The main reason why I went was to find the EVGA GeForce GTX 1080 Ti FTW3 GAMING 11GB GDDR5X video card. It was actually on sale for 729 last weekend, but they were out of stock. Not surprisingly enough, they’re still out of stock, but the price went up to 770; still about 30 dollars cheaper than Amazon.

I also did some research on this Microcenter credit card, and it turns out that I screwed up. I thought that the card offered 5% cashback at no annual fee, with a no-interest 6 month promotion, but it’s actually 5% off your purchases for six months, OR no interest for six months. If it offered 5% cashback reward at no annual fee, I would’ve got it because apparently I don’t have enough credit cards. I have a 769 credit score, but the only things holding me back from a better credit score is the age of my credit, and the amount of accounts that I have. I know that I have a pretty dang good credit score, but having a near perfect credit score would hopefully be able to bring future interest rates down so I wouldn’t have to pay as much in the long run. My girlfriend and I plan on buying a house and we’re definitely going to get a loan. A house is probably the biggest purchase I’ll ever make, and because I hear a lot of horror stories about buying houses, I wanna make sure that I make the best decisions I possibly can.

I know that the last paragraph was boring. I’m sorry.

With that being said…

I also went to the back of the store to check out them gaming monitors, specifically the Acer Predator, to see if I could upgrade from my recently purchased Sceptre C275B-144MN 27″ gaming monitor on Amazon for 250 bucks. Technically, I’m still eligible to return the monitor and get my money back, BUT….that makes too much sense. Instead, I’m gonna keep it and add one more regret to my belt.

I don’t have enough regret in my life, you know what I mean? AM I RIGHT? YA FEEL ME?

I’m stupid.

So, a salesman approaches me with a semi-erection and he asks if I’m interested in what I’m looking at which, at this point, is the Acer Predator. The brand Acer is like Germany to some people. When you think of Germany, what comes to mind? I think of the Holocaust. I don’t know a damn thing about Germany aside from their dark past. Acer used to be the worst brand out there. Back then, they had terrible reviews that made you cringe; especially their laptops. Back then, you would’ve been better buying an HP than you would an Acer, because buying an Acer was like having a McDonald’s male employee jizz in your ice-cream cone. Yeah, you still get ice-cream, it probably still tastes like ice-cream, but you’re also swallowing another man’s jizz. And you know it too because jizz probably has a different temperature than ice-cream does, so that distinctive feeling on your tongue, the difference of temperature, is an indication that you are in the process of swallowing another man’s jizz. So you’re aware of it while you’re eating.

That’s how I feel about Acer. When I read the specs on the Predator, I felt like I was watching the dude jack off into my ice-cream cone. I felt violated. 165 Hz, G-Sync, while that’s what I’m lookin’ for, it’s freakin’ ACER dude. I mean…a review said that the monitor smells.

You know what else smells? Jizz.

I was lucky because they were temporarily out-of-stock. “No, no,” the salesman said as he shook his head. He explained that they received a new shipment of Predators, and off he went to the back without asking if I wanted him to wheel it out. I felt like bolting out, but I stop by the store every weekend almost; he surely would’ve seen me again and gave me the stink eye.

He wheeled that sucker out and I didn’t realize how big those suckers are. 31 inches for a monitor is massive. I’ve been gaming on a 24″ monitor my entire life. The Sceptre is 27″ and it’s not terrible, but it’s a lot of screen; that’s the main reason why I don’t want it. It’s too big.

I went home empty handed. Again.

It drives me nuts that I have a motherboard and processor sitting on my computer desk waiting to have brothers and sisters join them. Those two alone costed me over 600 dollars because I got the limited edition 808K I7 (6-core 5.0 GHz), and the Gigabyte Z370 Aorus Gaming 7 Motherboard. I’m not really thrilled about spending another 2,500+ on a gaming PC, but I know that I won’t have to upgrade for another 10 years and it’s gonna prepare me for the new Elder Scrolls, Fallout 76, etc. Also, Windows is going to stop supporting Windows 7 in 2 years. Windows 10 is rolling out with a big update, people say that it’s better than what it was, but I’m still not convinced just yet. I’m hoping that Windows 10 gets better within the next couple years; otherwise, I’m gonna force myself to buy an inferior Windows all because I don’t have much of a choice. A lot can happen in two years, though.

I wanna say that I’m waiting till Black Friday to buy computer parts, but a part of me doesn’t want to get involved with games anymore. I just spent the past 2 hours playing PC Building Simulator, and I probably had more fun playing that than games like Rocket League, Fortnite, etc. In fact, I uninstalled Fortnite several weeks ago, and haven’t looked back. 90% of the big purchases I make are electronics; can you imagine how much I’ll save if I stop making big purchases on electronics? The possibilities are endless. Build a computer I don’t need at the moment, or pay my car off? Seems like a no-brainer. Not me, though.

There really was so much more I wanted to talk about, plans for the rest of 2018, but I’m tired. I gotta be up in 7 hours, and my eyes are starting to get heavy. I’ll leave you on a new picture of my dog:

Athena1