I really miss blogging. Real blogging. Innocent blogging.
I began blogging as an early teenager. Looking back at my entries dating back to 2003, 2004, 2005, etc., my blogs were often short and to the point. I didn’t stray much into thoughts, feelings, but I did make notes of important events that had happened that day: fights breaking out, family arguments, homework that I didn’t want to do, tests that I didn’t want to study for, grades that I received when expecting the worst, etc. As you can imagine, as a 15 year old blogger, they weren’t very interesting blogs to read to someone who is now 27 years old.
I wouldn’t expect someone to be able to sit down and enjoy the blogs I have written 12 years old like I enjoy them. I enjoy them for a different reason: it’s my history. As significant as my life is to someone else, it is the most important to me. Every blog I wrote was with a purpose, and I can imagine the 14 year old me being afraid of high school. I relive those moments when I talked about the girls I had crushes on, my triumphs (no matter how small), and failures. Reading my older blogs makes me smile because…it was innocent.
I don’t blog with innocence anymore. I have bills to worry about. I have been taught that time is money; therefore, spending time blogging without intention to profit is now a waste of time. Facebook, Youtube, & Snapchat have taught me that my life is not as exciting as other people’s, and when I don’t get the attention that I’m looking for, it is because the content I create is not worthy of attention.
Now everyone has a dream of becoming rich just by talking into a camera and playing video games. Podcasts. Streaming. Video blogs.
The question is…if I enjoyed blogging so much, why did I stop?
Because…of a woman.
Heartbreak is a serious thing, ladies and gentlemen. It is a betrayal of the heart, and it can seriously break a man. I’m not ashamed to admit that I was broken for a while. For a long while. However, to be called a “loser” was nothing short of devastating. What that woman said about me hurt me beyond words.
It lead me to
start attempt drinking alcohol because I felt like I wasn’t living the way I was supposed to. What kind of woman would spend the rest of her life with a man who wasn’t willing to get drunk every once in a while? What kind of man doesn’t want to go to clubs, get drunk, or pursue a career through college regardless of what it pays?
Blogging used to be innocent, but it evolved into this…chaotic obsession to create the perfect blog. Consequently, I stepped away from blogging to repair my sanity.
I am happy to report that even though I’m balder and fatter than I used to be, my life is significantly better. My current girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. She’s aware of my past, and I’m aware of hers. We have an apartment together, and we aren’t struggling with bills. Life is good.
Recently, I purchased a 2015 Honda Civic SI.
I’m talking about this particular event because it’s probably the most recent big even that’s happened.
Before I bought this car, I owned a 2012 Honda Civic LX.
The reason why I decided to sell my 2012 Honda Civic is simply because…I’m selfish. There was nothing wrong with the vehicle, and I know that it wasn’t a financially good decision. I know that I should’ve kept the car because it was in good condition and paid off, but…I wanted something a bit nicer.
Terrible financial decision, but you know what? I absolutely LOVE my new car. You can ask my girlfriend. She’ll tell you!
My girlfriend and I have been doing a small bit of mattress shopping this weekend because labor day is big on mattress sales (or so my girlfriend says). We have two mattresses in our apartment: hers and mine. Her mattress is some kind of queen mattress, not overly expensive but not cheap either, and it dips in the middle. I’m 240 pounds, so I realize that I’m a contribution to this dip, but it hasn’t done my girlfriend any good because she’ll wake up with back problems. Recently, we’ve switched to my mattress (brings back old memories), which is a cheaper mattress but firmer. She likes it. As a result, we’re in the market for a bed that’s firmer.
We would’ve gotten the same mattress in a bigger size, but my mattress has been discontinued. How the heck a mattress can be discontinued is beyond me, but…whatever.
We haven’t had much luck besides finding a mattress that costed over 4,000 dollars. To be fair, it’s probably worth every penny; however, with the amount of bills I’m paying, I’m finally at a point in my life where I can’t afford another big payment. When it comes to my finances, I’m absolutely terrible.
It’s not like I go out every weekend & rack up a 200 dollar bill on alcohol, or blow it on money order scams like my grandfather, but there is still plenty of financial decisions I make that make a big impact on my wallet: my car being one of them. I’ll admit that I’m not financially mature; not quite, at least.
I’ll make mature decisions, but I’ll counter it with a bad decision. I’ll pay off my car, but I’ll sell it to get a newer one. I’ll change car insurance plans and save 60 dollars a month, but I’ll use part of that money to buy premium services like Spotify. I don’t see the big picture yet. I’m aware that I should be saving for my retirement as the country is going down the hole with social security and all that, BUT I’m just not doing that. My current thought on life is this:
Of course…I probably could be pursuing a career that I’ll get more enjoyment out of that will provide me with more financial resources than the job I have now. I realize that most of my adult life will be spent working, or preparing to work unless I somehow get lucky or do something so profitable that I’ll hardly have to work at all. I realize that I am not limited, that I am capable of more, and that dreams can come true if I’m willing to make the sacrifices. However, if I’m going to live the life that I choose to live, regardless of how much of a loser I may be to some people, I’m going to make the choice to live my life the best way that I know how. And if driving a 2015 Honda Civic SI to and from work makes my day even slightly better than it would be driving a 2012 Honda Civic LX, then you’re absolutely God Damn right I’m going to make that choice.
‘Cause I’m me, baby. That’s the way it should be, and will be.
With that being said…
Brandon is back.